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Each new school year is an adventure, with different teachers, new trends in school supplies, and pleas for help on homework you can't remember learning, ever.
But when your children reach middle school, you'll probably think that every year until now has been a walk in the park. Middle School: The Real Deal is a great book aimed at helping your tween cope with the changes, but here are a few tips for you too.
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- Your new middle schooler might be more sensitive about privacy than ever before. Work out a deal so that they get more privacy in exchange for cleaning their own room and doing their own laundry. You don't invade their space and they learn more responsibility.
- Set down rules of trust, so that there's a clear understanding of what happens if your trust is violated. It's better to give your new middle schooler freedom so that they know you trust them than to clamp down without cause.
- Be interested, but not suspicious. Chances are, you raised your children to be open and honest, and even if there are more temptations in middle school, you can still rely on them to tell the truth. Ask them questions about where they're going, who they're going with, and request a check-in call. It's not unreasonable, and your middle schooler should be willing to tell you.
- Give and take. Reward your teen and increase trust between you by letting small things slide when you know they're really trying in other areas. If they wash the dishes and do their laundry, don't ground them for a week if they happen to get in late one time with a good excuse.
- Don't be afraid to call them out. If you know your child has done something wrong, don't be afraid to confront them. Yelling isn't going to help, but asking them to 'fess up gives them a chance to take responsibility and gives you a chance to show you're nice but not born yesterday.
- Be open to rule changes. If your tween is doing everything right and wants a later curfew, work out an agreement. If the new agreement is violated, revert back to the old rules and tell them why. You'll reward the responsible behavior and teach them accountability.
- Remember that they're different now. The hardest thing for you will be letting go, but you can do it in small ways without losing touch completely. Give your middle schooler space in public and don't be offended when they want to do things for themselves. Be happy they're growing up and standing on their own feet.
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